GREG GUTFELD: Trump derangement syndrome evolved into a disease

By now you’ve heard the phrase Trump derangement syndrome, but maybe it’s time you graduated from syndrome to disease, because while a syndrome refers to symptoms, a disease refers to an established condition, and Trump derangement is just that. It’s a disease much like alcoholism, where what defines it is an incapability to process booze, and that delicious MAGA-martini is Trump. No pill can stop it. No therapy dog or therapy llama can alleviate it. Those who have it are already paranoid, but they’re also loons with annoying wives who are most susceptible. 

The most recent victim: Joe Scarborough, who was left emotionally Scarborough’d by the 2016 election. Joe wasn’t always like this. He used to look like a normal person, but now he has the same eyes as the kid playing the banjo in “Deliverance.” It’s amazing, could be the same person, same age, really. And as you’ll see, eventually your mental functions totally deteriorate to a point where even “The View” is over your head. So, as a public service, here’s what a Trump-aholic sounds like.

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JOE SCARBOROUGH: He’s not a normal candidate. He is running to end American democracy as we know it… He will imprison, he will execute whoever he’s allowed to imprison, execute, drive from the country. Just look at his past. It’s not really hard to read.

I just keep wondering what she’s thinking while he’s doing that. Sorry, Beavis. We are looking at Trump’s path, and it’s pretty easy given he’s the most investigated, transparent political leader in history. And I said transparent, not translucent like Biden’s see-through skin. And so far, there’s no imprisonings, executions, no ending a democracy in sight. But it’s clear how the ugliness of addiction could sap your memory and reasoning ability. 

As you heard, Joe believes that if Trump becomes president, he’s going to execute those who don’t agree with him, but when Trump was president, he executed exactly no one. Well, except for Soleimani, and that guy didn’t have to watch “Morning Joe” to wake up to a bomb. Joe also claims it’s Trump’s mission to replace American democracy with a dictatorship. Now, as the commander-in-chief, Trump controlled all of America’s armed forces, even the nukes. Yet hostile nations like Russia, North Korea and Canada are still standing. Also, actual dictators usually die in office, or are assassinated, or take a helicopter full of money to Europe. Instead, Trump gave up power to a senile guy who sniffs little girls. And then Donald happily went back to his golf game, and now he just does stand-up.

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DONALD TRUMP: He’s not into golden showers, as they say… I don’t like that idea… Adam “Shifty” Schiff with a neck like a pencil, he’s got. I said, how does he hold up that fat, ugly face with a neck… Pencil neck.

TRUMP: Did anybody ever hear of Alphonse Capone? He was so mean, if you looked at him in the wrong way, he’d blow you away… He was only indicted once, I got indicted four times in a matter of seconds.

You know, he sounds less like a dictator and more like Don Rickles. But you see how bad it is. You hallucinate, you start seeing all sorts of stuff that just never occurred. They should change the name from “Morning Joe” to “Morning Sickness.” What do you say? But sadly, it’s now running rampant at MSNBC.

SEN. CLAIRE MCCASKILL: A lot of people have tried to draw similarities between Mussolini and Hitler and the use of the terminology like vermin… The difference though, I think, makes Donald Trump even more dangerous, and that is, he has no philosophy he believes in… All he wants is to look in the mirror and see a guy who’s president… All he cares about is selfish self-promotion.

I’m beginning to think there’s something in the water over at MSNBC besides antidepressants. They got Trump on the brain and almost nothing else, apparently, including history. When you say Trump is worse than Hitler, what you’re saying is what Hitler did, killing 6 million Jews among others, wasn’t nearly as bad as mean tweets and jokes about Rosie O’Donnell. No wonder you see young leftists brandishing swastikas in protest.

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Apparently, Hitler is just some guy who did stuff. This is next-level antisemitism, Claire. Meanwhile, back on Earth, normal Americans are concerned with what we all know is common reality. Here in the U.S., 70% of Americans are worried about the economy, which they see getting worse. On crime, according to a recent Gallup poll, 40% of Americans are afraid to walk home alone at night, although some are used to the loneliness… Over a third are afraid to drive in areas of their communities. 

These are not hallucinations. These are the real experiences of the American people. So it’s no wonder Americans have bought more guns than you’ll see in Judge Jeanine’s rec room. Fifty-two percent of voters say they or someone in their household owns a firearm. Just a decade ago, 42% said they owned a gun. Kat, that’s 10 points. Fear of crime is at its highest point since 1993. Why is that? Well, it demonstrates another reality the addicts can’t see: That what they accused Trump of is in fact going on right now in the current administration. Like most addicts, they live in denial and will lie to your face about what you and I can clearly see with our own two eyes, and in San Francisco — smell with both nostrils. 

For instance, it wasn’t dictator Trump who weaponized the Department of Justice with a conga line of special prosecutors, wasn’t Trump who sic’d the FBI on parents, wasn’t Trump who raided an innocent anti-abortion protester’s home with guns drawn, wasn’t Trump that prosecuted Trump for having documents he was allowed to have? Although that trial would be hilarious. Wasn’t Trump who used DOJ to get Twitter and other social media to do its bidding on COVID. It wasn’t Trump who set up a select committee that buried important videos to fashion a pre-ordained verdict regarding Jan. 6.

See, what “Morning Joe” did is what shrinks call projecting, or as most of us call it, **** ****. Thank you. And for those of you who are nonbinary: bull-she-it. That way they can’t bleep it. See, they can’t bleep it if I say bull-she-it. Yeah, but to the Trump addicts on the left, little things like the well-being of the American people don’t register. It means about as much to them as personal hygiene means to somebody holed up in a crack house. According to The New York Times, the Democratic Party that tried to quit Donald Trump for three years has fallen off the wagon. 

MSNBC analyst and ‘Way Too Early’ host Jonathan Lemire said new polls indicating voters trusted Trump over Biden on key issues was a ‘warning sign’ for Democrats. (MSNBC/screenshot)

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Now they’re looking to put Trump front-and-center at every opportunity. Of course, they wouldn’t do that if they actually feared he’d execute him or them, but now they long for the days when cable networks carried Trump’s rallies live. And why? Well, they need something to deflect us from what they’ve done to the country. Without Trump around, then all you got filling the airwaves is this…

Is it any wonder America’s Dems have decided the best way to win next year is to lean into their addiction to all things orange. They know this country is not going to vote for the guy in the basement again. Hell, he might not even survive the stairs down to the basement. So they want their obsession to become your obsession. Forget the economy, forget crime, forget nuclear war — focus on Trump, which may not be a bad idea. The way the polls are looking, they may not have a choice.